Birth Story

I think it is fitting to share our birth story now that our son has turned one.

Our Birth Story:

I had my 39 week doctor appointment on Friday and consented to be checked.  I was 1 cm, 50 % effaced, and at a -2 station.  The midwife said it will be soon.  Great, I thought, I have another week as I interpret 'soon' as more than a few days.   I spent the weekend relaxing and remember feeling exhausted- not the sleepy kind of exhausted, but the my body just needs to be still exhausted.  I wasn't particularly hungry, but I craved some spicy food- chips and salsa in particular.  I also craved brussel sprouts.  I remember having a little more energy on Sunday so I spent a little time taking care of a few things around the house.  We ate pork chops and broccoli for dinner and watched Amazing Race together.  I hung out on the couch a while longer and at like 10:30 pm I got up from the couch to take my vitamins, refill my water, and head upstairs to bed.  I felt a little gush when I got up and thought- that was my water breaking. 

I told Mike that I was pretty sure my water broke.  He immediately was like how do you know, you need to google it.  So I did and of course google can't be descriptive enough for us to know anything more than we knew.  I decided to go to bed- laying on a towel- and see what happens.  My mind was swirling at this point so sleep wasn't coming quickly.  My contractions started around 11 pm so I decided to head back down stairs to watch TV and work on finishing my baby shower thank you notes.  I sat on my exercise ball and was able to write several thank yous with minimal interruption.  I wrote one or two more during contractions that were more intense and actually required me to stop writing and focus on breathing through each one.  I found going to my third eye to also be helpful and reminded myself over and over again to relax.  I remembered that the midwife gave me the birth folder two or three weeks earlier so I decided to find it and start reading the information.  My water really broke when I stood up- like the huge gush like in a movie.  I grabbed a blanket and hobbled upstairs to change.

I decided to time my contractions and got 45-60 seconds in length and about 1 1/2 minutes apart.  I was like that can't be right.  So I timed them again using Mike's watch.  Same thing.  I still was like that can't be right.  At this point, I decided to wake Mike up- it was like 1:30 am.  I had him time them and he got the same thing.  Mike called the midwife on call and we both talked to her.  She was like there is no way your contractions are that close together, but suggested that I eat something and come in whenever I was ready.  We worked on packing (well really Mike grabbed a few missing items) and spent about another hour at home.   We decided around 2:30 am to go to the hospital.  The hospital I chose to deliver at is about 35 miles from our house.  I was struggling at that point to work through every contraction and told Mike in the car that I was going to cave and get an epidural.  I also remember telling him to watch the bumps in the road, but I managed to give him directions to the correct spot at the hospital (there was road construction that we had to navigate through).  The security guard was very nice to point us to the correct elevator and told us which floor to go to.  The nurse at the NICU nurses station nicely pointed to the button on the wall and instructed us to ask to be let in.  The midwife told the nurses station in labor and delivery that we were coming so they were pretty fast at getting me into a room.  Mike waited for me to get registered and then went down to move our car to the parking garage.

I told the nurse that I was feeling a lot of pressure as she was trying to get me hooked up to the monitors.  The midwife, Marsha, came in a few minutes later to check me and was quite surprised to find that I was 10 cm.  I immediately asked if that meant that I couldn't get an epidural.  She confirmed that the epidural was a no go (I now was going to have a drug free birth by default- which ironically was what I wanted before I was in labor).  I also asked if I could have a water birth- they then realized that my labs from Friday were not there and they also said that it takes 45 min to fill the tub.  I could have a baby before then so I wasn't going to be able to have one this time around.  I did start pushing and pushed for 4 hours.  The first two hours were not bad and then I steadily got more and more tired during the second 2 hours.  Somewhere around hour 2 of pushing, I had an IV line put in and was given a bag of fluid with the hopes that it would slow my contractions and make them a little longer.  It slowed them slightly- maybe a minute and half apart vs a minute.  Finally, around 7:15 am Marsha suggested that we make the call to the OB for a vacuum assist.  I agreed and Mike hesitated.  I agreed again.  The OB, Dr French, arrived around 7:45 am.  She gave a quick overview of everything and then started giving me a few shots of local anesthetic before she inserted the vacuum.  The first round of pushing with the vacuum didn't work.  We get three tries so I started thinking what if this doesn't work?  Thankfully, the second attempt with the vacuum worked and our beautiful baby boy was born at 8:03 am (really he was pulled out).  Mike held the baby and took pictures while I was being stitched up.  I did some skin to skin time around 8:30 or 8:45 and he latched on and nursed for the first time. 

He's One!

My baby turned one yesterday.  I still hadn't completely realized that I have a child, let alone one who now has been alive for a full year.  It has been a pure joy to watch him learn and grow over the past year.  I certainly look forward to many years to come.

The Cost of Being a Mommy

Ugh.  Two nights ago, my husband realized that I basically work to cover our day care and my commute.  Sobering to say the least.  I've known for a while that this likely was the case, but have been too busy (or really just too scared) to really do the math.  We bank separately so I've been able to try to ignore that this was the reality because I love working and staying home is not something I desire.  Now it is out in the open and I feel horrible.  I know the right thing for our family is to crunch the numbers and make the final decision that I need to stay home.  My selfish side is fighting it and I feel too guilty to make it about me and not our family.  I'm feverishly looking for something that I could do from home so I can manage to do both. 

Sadly, this reality was not on our radar when we flippantly decided to have a baby.  I knew that daycare is expensive, but I had no idea who expensive it is.  The saddest part is that we make a lot more than the average in our area.  I feel like money is pouring out of us and we don't really live a lavish lifestyle.  I look forward to the day when this is resolved- we find something that works for our family and my professional goals.  I keep praying that it happens soon because the guilt is starting to eat away at me.

Mommy Wars

I found myself saying "so what" to a frantic facebook update from a SHAM that I know.  She did have a series of crappy things happen that day to make it a horrible day, but my first thought was- try being a working mom.  Every day is chaotic, frantic, and stressful in some way.  Yes, eventually things become somewhat routine, but my routine day has a level of chaos and stress.  I guess I could say that I was having a bad day if some additional, unforeseen even sprung up to add to my usual stress. 

I've been reflecting on her status update for a few days now and keep coming back to THIS is my version of mommy wars.  My first thought was to write- try being a working mom.  I refrained and posted a simple "ugh, I hope your day gets better."  I knew enough to stop myself from my real thought because it was surely going to start the war.  I typically don't like to engage in the "my life is worse" pissing match, but I admit that the thought crossed my mind when I decided to edit my response to something more heartfelt and less honest. 

Had I started the war, I'm sure a SHAM will quickly point out that I get a break while I'm at work. Yes, it is a break of sorts, but instead of taking care of a baby, I get to deal with the stress of a job.  I wouldn't exactly call it a "break".  I'm sure the next comment would include something about being selfish or not loving my child or how it is child abuse to leave a kid at daycare.  Yup, I know exactly how the conversation would go- like I need to be convinced that life as a SHAM is oh, so hard.  Guess what, regardless of the choices one makes, life is hard and unfair!  That is LIFE! 

In the end, I don't feel guilty (as I've shared here before).  In fact, I know I am a better parent because I go to work everyday.  I'm still breastfeeding at 11 months, which is longer than a lot of moms I know (both SHAM and working).  I hope not to be the start of a mommy war, but unwrapping my reaction to her status definitely made me realize that I could easily start it if I shared my honest thoughts on this or any other "my life is so bad" comment.

Hiatus!

Whew- I've been on hiatus from writing.  I don't really have an excuse- I've just been busy.  We are chasing a very active 10 month old now (how he became that old is beyond me- seems like just yesterday I was pregnant). 

Supplementing

The day that I was dreading finally came- I had to supplement with formula.  A few weeks ago (probably a month now) our daycare started asking for LO's bottles to be a little bigger- 3 1/2 to 4 oz.  I knew that once he needed more per bottle, I'd struggle to pump enough for him to have 4 or 5 bottles.  The first week or two I resisted- I couldn't accept the fact that we would need to supplement with some formula.  I knew that the only option was to supplement with formula- it was impossible to pump enough and I was pretty close to being out of my frozen milk.  I was surprised that it took me as long as it did to accept this option- I guess I thought I was failing, even though I wasn't.  It took me two trips to the store to actually buy formula- I was pretty overwhelmed with the options the first time.  There several brands and different formulas- all seem so similar, yet different.  My husband was pretty set on using soy formula so I ended up going that route. 

We usually need one bottle of formula per day and LO has not seemed to mind or notice.  I guess the lesson learned is that I was worried about my own stuff related to breast feeding and was losing site of the fact that this was an okay choice to make.  I also lost sight of the fact that we made it past 8 months exclusively breast feeding, which is a lot longer than many moms- especially working moms.

Bullies

Sometimes I hear disturbing things from other parents.  I'm sure as time goes on, I'll have quite the list.  Earlier this week a mentor of mine posted on facebook about a situation that she witnessed between a male student and his father on the campus of my alma mater.  My mentor has a pretty high up administrative position and basically said that she overheard a bullying conversation where the father of a LAW student (not even an undergrad!!!!) was berating the son.  After 10 minutes, she chose to intervene.  The father's response was that he wasn't embarrassed.  I'm disturbed.  I'm sure anyone who heard this story is disturbed.  I have a lot of respect for her to intervene and I would hope if I'm ever faced with a similar situation that I will do the same. However, my bigger concern is that this situation happened in the first place.  I'd be horrified if the child was a child and I'm equally horrified that the child was an adult.  It sounds like the wife and other children stood by helpless and didn't stop it, which makes me wonder what is happening behind closed doors in their home.  That is a scary thought.

But then I got to thinking deeper.  So clearly this is bullying and it is not okay.  We hear a lot about bullying in our schools and the often disheartening outcomes.  I think that we fail to recognize how common it is and that it happens amongst adults all the time.  For example, I'm in a mom's group on facebook (like 90 or so women) and they are huge bullies.  None of them would admit to it, but I've witnessed behavior from them that makes me concerned.  Would any of them act out towards their child, probably not, but they are total bullies towards the other women in the group! 

I feel like we've become desensitized to this type of behavior and seem appalled when we witness it outside of our own home and will turn someone in when we witness a parent bullying their child.  Yet, as adults, we engage in this behavior and don't think twice.  I've heard it called all kinds of things, but at the end of the day it is an excuse for not taking personal responsibility for our actions and using our behavior to justify that we feel better when we put someone else down.  I definitely am checking my own responses and attitudes about everything in light of reflecting on this situation.  I would never dream of bullying my own child, but I also don't want him to see me engaging in this behavior and getting the message that bullying someone else is okay. 

Mommy Shortcut # 2

The maxi skirt.  Last summer, I loved my maxi dress.  I still wear it, but it isn't the easiest thing to wear with breastfeeding.  I bought a maxi skirt and it is awesome.  Super easy, comfy, and totally something that is work appropriate (in my business casual office) and works great for outside of work.  I'm thinking of buying another one because it is go great!

The Politics of Being a Woman (and Parent)

I need to step out of my blogging about being a parent for a moment.  Tuesday was a tough day in our house- there were two significant political situations that made us both wish that the day never happened.  First, the WI recall vote.  As former residents of WI, we both had so much hope that our brethren would choose the common good over self interests.  Second, the US senate voted down an equal pay bill for women.  I was most disheartened to learn that none of the Republican senators voted for this bill. I have a hard time believing the rhetoric from that party that the aren't trying to attack women when there has been an assault on women's rights this year- several state bills to outlaw abortions and family planning, the push back on Obama's decision to require all organizations to provide contraceptives to female employees through their health plan, and now this bill being voted down. I'm at a loss on how any woman could believe that the Republican party is concerned about their interests, when every couple of weeks there is yet another example of some political measure to limit women's rights.  At this point, I'm pretty sure the 50s would like their issues back! 

I've spent some time reflecting on both in the past 48 hours and really wonder what happened to the concept of making decisions based on the common good and not personal interest.  I'm concerned that our culture has shifted so far to the individual side of the spectrum that we now are completely ignoring being concerned for the good of our neighbors.  I'm deeply concerned that our son will not learn some of the important lessons about being a good citizen because there are so few examples of this happening around us.  We certainly will try to instill in him a sense of community and help him to understand that he needs to think about more than himself and his own interests.  It would be nice if we had a culture that sent and supported the same messages. 

Star Struck

This morning I was reminiscing a little while I sat in traffic and specifically was thinking about my lone famous person encounter.  I was asked to drive Candace Bushnell to the airport after she spoke at the university I worked for.  My all time favorite tv show is Sex and the City and I would rank both movies amongst my favorite movies.  Getting to have a one on one conversation with the woman who wrote the book that inspired the show was amazing for me as a single 20-something.  It was a fun chat and honestly her advice wasn't overly profound or even memorable this many years later (I want to say that this encounter was in 2005, but I could be off by a year or two!).  She sympathized with my plight- boyfriends who sucked and feeling like maybe finding someone special wasn't going to happen.  Her advice was good- have fun with it and enjoy your life and friends.  At the time I was like yeah- I try to do that.  My life has changed so much in the last year that now I get why she said what she did.  I don't think that Candace has children, but she hit the nail on the head.  Life really is different post kids.  Not in a bad way, but really is different.  Here are some ways that I feel like my life is different....

• I no longer get to sleep in on weekends.
• I no longer get to be leisurely about doing any task because my next chance to complete said task might be weeks away.
• I look forward to my quick trips to the bathroom because sometimes it is the only time I get to be alone. (I tear up at the scene in the second Sex and the City movie when Charlotte goes into the pantry for sugar and breaks down while her kids are screaming and crying outside the door.  She has my sympathy)
• Working means that I get to have lunch to use to blog, check email and facebook, and pay bills uninterrupted.
• I get really frustrated when trying to plan things with childless people and they suggest places that aren't kid friendly (and sometimes- it's just the lack of parking that could put me over the edge!).  Then being an accommodating person, I nicely suggest some similar places that I know would be easier to haul a baby in a car seat into.
• I try to stay interested in the details of my friend's lives, but sometimes I find my mind wondering.  My life is relatively boring, but I am so far past dating and going out that I can't really relate anymore.
• I swear I will never be on time anywhere or for anything again.
• The bad days and crappy things that happen in my adult life are quickly erased by seeing my son smile and hearing him giggle. 

I still have fun and enjoy my life- probably more so now than before.  I cringed recently when I was sitting outside an ice cream shop and eves dropped on a conversation between two 20-somethings.  Let's say it was without a doubt a conversation that I had with my girlfriends 10 years ago.  I definitely had a moment of embarrassment when I realized just how shallow our conversations sounded.   Although, I'm sure a mommy conversation can sometimes sound as equally shallow- "so and so pooped today, thank god."  At least we are trying to raise a child and not gossiping about pretty unimportant stuff!

Mommy Short Cut #1

Before I had my son, I decided that I wanted to breast feed and make as much of his baby food as possible.  I'm a little freaked out about some of the pre-made baby food (jarred meat- no thank you!) so making his food seemed a little more natural to me.  Now, remember I also happen to be Bridget Jones reincarnated as a mother.  My tip to making baby food- buy frozen fruits and veggies.  The veggies steam in the bag- awesome!  Most fruit just needs to thaw.  I spend about 3 minutes blending with my immersion blender and another minute spooning the puree into an ice cube tray.  Done.

Thank God for a Good Cup of Coffee

It rained like 3 inches overnight.  Whoa.  And with 3 inches of rain (well really even a sprinkling of rain) rush hour traffic becomes a nightmare.  Go figure.  Now in my pre-child days, I would have been more likely to leave a little early and maybe make it to work on time.  In my post-child days, I'm lucky to leave on time most days and leaving early is a figment of my imagination.  We actually were running sort of on time today and I would have been fine had it been a normal traffic day, lest it was not.  As I pathetically sat in traffic and watched the time tick closer and closer to 9 am on my clock, I realized that the silver lining to having a bad commute day is holding a really, really good cup of coffee to drink along the way.  It's the little things, really, it is.

Carpe Diem

A few months ago there was a blog post floating around from a mother who was mocking the fact that people suggest that she should carpe diem as a parent.  I get where she was coming from, but I don't really agree with her.  I am a person who tries to savor every moment- even the bad/trying/tiring/terrifying.  I figure they are brief moments in his life and they make so many other things in life that we used to stress about seem so unimportant. 

Case in point- last Tuesday was a pretty hectic morning.  Not really sure why, but leaving the house on time seemed to be impossible.  I wasn't helped by the fact that I realized while I was rushing around to leave, I remembered that our water and electric bill was due that day.  I had to make a detour to drop the payment off so we wouldn't get the bright pink reminder letter.  Not the day to need to make an extra stop!  My commute is long enough that I always have idle time to think while I drive and again I came back to the fact that even the craziest morning or most stressful moment doesn't matter or stress me like I did before having our son.  I'd like the challenge the carpe diem mother and suggest that she adopt the phrase "this too shall pass".  Life with kids is like that and at some point, maybe sooner than later, she will realize that she missed out. 

Oh, the Controversy!

I found out on Friday that Time magazines cover story this week is about Dr Sears and his attachment parenting philosophy.  I'm dying to leave work and get my hands on a copy of the magazine.  I was able to read a few paragraphs of one of the articles and was shocked to read these stats- 75% of mothers start breastfeeding.  At 6 months, 44% still are breastfeeding and only 15% are exclusively breastfeeding.  We're in that 15% and I'm not sure if I should feel honored or horrified.  I'm glad that 44% still are giving some breast milk so all things considered, I think that it probably is a good thing that we've made it this far.  I will post more thoughts about this article once I get the chance to actually read the entire article.

Support Network

I like it when other mom's share useful information with me.  I've relied heavily on two great resources at times during my breastfeeding journey.  La Leche League (LLL) and kellymom (kellymom.com). 

I like both for different reasons.  LLL is a physical group and has been a good way for me to meet some other moms who live in my general area.  The leaders for my chapter are amazing and know more than I could have imagined was possible to know about breast feeding.  My mom was very active in LLL when she was breast feeding and really encouraged that I find a group close to where we live.  I love having a physical connection to some like minded women that unfortunately no virtual group could ever replace.

Kellymom has been an amazing go to for quick answers to questions that I've had.  I've spent countless hours reading the forums during middle of the night feeds and have learned a lot through the questions and advice given to other moms.  They have an amazing collection of factual advice on different topics and often provide several sources for their information.  I believe that kellymom is one of the best online breast feeding resources available. 

Mother's Day

As I reflect on the fact that my first mother's day with an outside child is later this week, I'm humbled by the movement to raise awareness about the high maternal mortality rate during child birth. 

No Mother's Day: Every 90 Seconds a Woman Dies Becoming a Mother

We are not big celebrators of "Hallmark" holidays so by default and choice I will choose not to do anything out of the ordinary to celebrate being a mother.  Sure I'll spend my day with my son and maybe my husband and I will make a special meal, but I won't expect or be hurt if I am not showered with gifts and cards. 

I feel fortunate that I had a very uncomplicated birth experience.  Yes, I had to have a little help from the vacuum, but in the end my experience was not one that, in theory, would have led to any kind of extreme danger.  However, having been through birth, I now realize just how quickly things can take a turn for the worse.  Scary.  My son and husband could have been sent home from the hospital without me.  Really scary.

My reflection on becoming a mother solidifies my position that all women in the US (and worldwide to be frank) need to have access to all methods of family planning- including safe, abortion services.  Along with access,  we need to learn to respect all women as independent thinkers and let them make the best decision for their situation and RESPECT that decision. In this presidential election year, I think it is even more important for women to stop and think where the current movement to limit women's access to safe abortions and family planning care will lead us.  This is not a political issue, even though it shouldn't be.  This is an issue of health above anything else!

I Choose Chaos

Every day I get home from work and survey the mess that is our house.  I usually stop at some point and dream about how clean my house would be if I were a SHAM.  Then I snap back to reality and remember that I didn't accomplish much while I was on maternity leave. 

I keep a running list of daily projects, prioritized in my head.  It goes something like this:

• Wash bottles and pump parts
• Prepare bottles for the next day
• Set up coffee maker 
• Unload/load dishwasher
• Clean up cookware from dinner

Big break in list!

• Change bag in diaper champ
• Grocery shopping
• Laundry
• Clean bathrooms
• Vacuum
• Get the mail from mailbox (it's across the street from our drive- just a few steps too many to do it every day!)
• Go through pile of papers on island/counter/kitchen table

Another big break in list!

• Wash windows
• Scrub floors
• Dust
• Vacuum vents
• File papers/organize in home office

Most days- I complete the entire first part of the list.  Some days I just do the first three.  Most weeks I do part of the second list.  My goal is to do the whole thing every week- that hasn't happened since before baby.  And the final part of the list- well, right now I only dream of doing all of those regularly.  Scrubbing floors is the one that I get to first and most often and by most often we are talking once every month or longer.  Does it bother me that my house is in disarray- yes- otherwise, I wouldn't be blogging about it.  Would I actually change it?  Not necessarily.  I will if it won't mean less time for my family.  Right now I'd rather play with LO on our messy floor or have an extra 30 minutes to connect with my husband than to put them aside to complete a cleaning project.  These are the choices that I make as a working mom and I'm okay with it.  Besides- I doubt my house would be much cleaner if I were a SHAM- so at least I can use work as an excuse!

When In Doubt...Trust Your Mommy Gut

I never realized how strong the mommy instinct is until waking up on Friday morning to a very crabby, clingy baby.  This is not normal for him.  I remember thinking to myself as I was holding him and putting on makeup with my other hand that maybe I needed to stay home with him instead of going to work.  I took his temperature and it was normal so we left for the day.  I had been at work long enough to turn on my computer when I got the call from daycare that he had a 101 degree temp. Crap.  Now I would not have minded if I worked down the street from our house.  Sadly- I don't and immediately thought- wow, I should have trusted my gut when it said stay home today.  It was my turn to stay home so I turned my computer off, packed my things, trekked back to my car, and drove 45 min back to daycare to pick him up.  We cuddled on the couch most of the day on Friday and Saturday.  Finally on Sunday we had a mostly normal, happy baby again.  Sigh. 

Lesson learned: the next time my gut says stay home with LO, I'll be calling in sick.

The silver lining- we were only out of daycare for a day instead of the mandatory two.  Thank God for the weekend! 

Golden Boobies

I reached a huge milestone- 6 months of exclusive breast feeding. There definitely were days when I thought I wouldn't get here. Thankfully, I knew that 6 months was possible once I got through the first 6 weeks.

I'm recently hit the 3 month mark of being back at work (wow!) and pumping.

Where has the time gone!

Utopia Does Exist

How awesome is this company?

http://shine.yahoo.com/secrets-to-your-success/australian-company-iag-rewards-moms-returning-185600273.html

Not only do they value women in upper level positions and have ASKED their female employees for feedback. They also used that feedback (I didn't think this happens, but apparently there are Utopian places that do!) to change their policies to help retain women. It seems like such a novel idea, but considering that women in the US still do not make the same as their male counterparts, the practice of this company excites me and gives me hope. The biggest change- they give 14 weeks of paid maternity time (awesome!) and they pay the woman 2x's her salary for the first 6 weeks after she returns to work (even more awesome!).

I am not the stay at home mom type so returning to work has always been my plan. I like my job and value my career so although a juggling act, I have not minded being back. I do mind the long commute and not having flexibility to adjust my schedule to meet the needs of my family. I would love to know that my employer values women enough to say- we know that becoming a parent is an adjustment so we're going to help make that adjustment a little easier by paying you a little extra when you return to work. How powerful (and it makes my HR heart pitter patter a little).

Now I wonder how long it will be before US companies start to get it and really make an effort to retain women, especially working moms.

Ahhhh....the Joys of Pumping

I'm lucky to work for an organization that is very accommodating of my pumping, which is awesome. We recently moved into a new space and have a great, new "wellness" room to use to pump in (and the facilities director has said that the 'wellness' room really is specifically for pumping moms, but they can't call it something more specific). In the two weeks that we've been in our new space, I've realized that people with no legitimate reason to go into the "wellness" room have been using the space. I'm all for community, but I also don't get it. I mean there are people who need to use the space (i.e. pumping moms- there are 4 or 5 right now and people who medical reasons- diabetics being a big one). I get that sometimes you need a break and yes, this space can be used for that. But what I don't get is that there are people who go in there for extended periods of time (like 45 min or more) and monopolize the space. I struggle with not being too quick to judge and assume that these people don't have a reason to be in there, but I also know that unfortunately lazy people are just looking for places to hide from their work. The past two afternoons, I've had to wait an hour longer than I was comfortable to pump because of people (or the same someone) monopolizing the space. I had a co-worker suggest that I knock on the door. I debate if this is the best course of action, but I also am feeling pretty frustrated that my needs as a nursing mom are not being met due to inconsiderate people. I also have debated bringing it up to my manager. Not sure what she can do, though. Decisions, decisions.....

Best Invention....

I love the munchkin paci wipes. I don't us them with LO's paci, but I do use them to clean my pump parts while I'm at work. They are awesome.

Pump It Up, Pump It Up

Ah, the joys of being away from LO for long periods of time. I love my pump, I really do. But I love feeding from the tap even more. I spend hours every week with my pump- definitely more time than I spend with my friends and probably as much time as I spend with my husband some weeks. In fact, I spend 7 1/2 hours per week pumping. Crazy.

I've been lucky to have a good response to the pump and can pump enough for the next day. I do feel the pinch of a busy work schedule and struggle some days to find the time to pump enough times to get what I need. Sigh. My insurance policy (i.e. freezer stash) has been taking a hit. Oy!

Exhausted Is An Understatement

I'm exhausted. I used to hear moms with babies that were a few months older than mine talk about how tired they were. I'd sit there and think- gosh, I'm not very tired. Guess what, I now know what they are talking about. I guess sleeping two and three hour stretches for five months has finally started to catch up to me.

I just remind myself- this all is temporary and will change sooner than later. A few months ago there was another mom-blogger's post circulating calling carpe diem a farce. I see where she is coming from and always have, but even in my exhausted state, I still disagree with her. My husband and I have looked at each other while our son was in the midst of a meltdown and reminded each other that this is not what we'll look back at an remember about him being a baby. Same thing goes for my exhaustion.

The Bridget Jones of mommyhood

In my single years, I would joke that I was just like Bridget Jones. This was particularly true on days when something didn't match (read tights that I thought were black and really were navy) or I was disheveled in some way. Now as a mom, I fit this to a T. Although I am not single and in my 30s, my days seem to be like hers- always a goal in mind and not really making much progress. I mean, I do get things done, but even the simplest of tasks seems to take me a while. Sigh. And I'm always in some state of disheveled- totally accept it as normal now.

I am a text book career woman- moved through undergrad and grad by time I was 24 and was excited to take my first full time position. I've loved most moments of my work life and identify strongly with my career. Of course life happened and I found myself in my 30s somewhat newly married and ready to have a family. Me? Really! So here I am a working mom. I love being a mom- no doubt about that, but I also love working, so I do. I don't feel guilty and hate that some women think that I should. Either way- I decided that I wanted to record my experience as a working mom. My son is 5 months now and I've been back to work for 2 1/2 months. So here goes!