Ugh. Two nights ago, my husband realized that I basically work to cover our day care and my commute. Sobering to say the least. I've known for a while that this likely was the case, but have been too busy (or really just too scared) to really do the math. We bank separately so I've been able to try to ignore that this was the reality because I love working and staying home is not something I desire. Now it is out in the open and I feel horrible. I know the right thing for our family is to crunch the numbers and make the final decision that I need to stay home. My selfish side is fighting it and I feel too guilty to make it about me and not our family. I'm feverishly looking for something that I could do from home so I can manage to do both.
Sadly, this reality was not on our radar when we flippantly decided to have a baby. I knew that daycare is expensive, but I had no idea who expensive it is. The saddest part is that we make a lot more than the average in our area. I feel like money is pouring out of us and we don't really live a lavish lifestyle. I look forward to the day when this is resolved- we find something that works for our family and my professional goals. I keep praying that it happens soon because the guilt is starting to eat away at me.
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