Back on the Elephant

Job searching is hard.  Job searching while pregnant is even harder.

I've found it super interesting that there is very little out there on how to best handle a job search while expecting.  It's like we don't even want to share advice about the elephant in the room!  Technically, being pregnant is legally protected so a pregnant woman has no legal obligation to disclose, however, it is not that simple and perhaps being required to disclose with very strict guidelines to the employer would help.  The challenge with all of this is that the employer can choose to or not to hire someone over something as vague is fit, which legally puts the pregnant woman (or person of color, person with a visible disability, etc) in a very precarious position.  Am I looking to fight situations where I am not offered the position b/c I'm pregnant, certainly not, but I don't want this to be the reason why I'm not getting hired, either.  I'm starting to fear that this IS the reason, but other "reasons" that I can't prove to be or not be true are being cited.

I found this LinkedIn article this morning and thought that the advice given was helpful and the comments were fascinating. You're Interviewing, and Pregnant

It blows my mind how many women commented to the effect that pregnancy and having a family is an issue. WTF.  This is 2014, not 1950. There are some comments that were supportive and helpful so not all of my faith in humanity was lost!

I once again got disappointing news about a job this morning.  The placement firm who sourced me said that they cited having a candidate who had previously done the exact same job.  I'm hoping that was the case, however, I definitely am wondering if that really was the situation!  The interviewer disclosed to me that I was overqualified, which I addressed, but I guess employers aren't excited to bring on a highly skilled person, either.  The fallout this morning was two fold- I have one other opportunity currently in play (an opportunity that I am super interested and excited about).  I had not disclosed to them that I'm pregnant, however, I'm sure it was very obvious to them when I went on site to interview.  I debated at several points in their process about disclosing- especially considering that the hiring manager felt that I was over qualified after the phone interview and I literally had to beg to be brought onsite.  I thought that my face-to-face interviews went well and I was sure to do every possible type of follow up after to make sure they knew that I was very interested.  I didn't address the elephant in the room during my interview because frankly, the interview needed to be about my skills and what I would bring, not the fact that I'm pregnant or any other aspect of my personal life.  I sucked it up this morning and let the HR person know that I was expecting.  I started with my interest in the position and plan to return to work.  I then said that I was not expecting to take much time off and was not expecting any of it to be paid time.  We'll see if it makes a difference!

The Bump in the Room

The good news is that my job search has picked up.  The interesting news is that I'm quite visibly pregnant at this point.  I've had two face to face interviews recently and my nerves where entirely due to my bump and not because I wasn't confident in my skills or ability to do the job.

I did a quick goggle search to see if there were any good tips out there for interviewing while pregnant.  I didn't find much- just a few articles that all said the same thing- getting a new job while pregnant can be done and it is up to the woman as to when to bring it up.  Okie-dokie.

Here is my approach to my bump in the room:

• I decided that I would not bring up being pregnant for a direct hire position until I had a job offer on the table.  I am specifically looking for a permanent position with a company where I can grow my career for a few years (I'm thinking 5+) so I want them to hire me because I'm the right person for their position and the organization.  I will discuss my pregnancy once they have offered the position- I see this as their commitment to me as their person for the job and organization.  
• Contract positions- I see these as being different as the employer isn't necessarily looking for a long term relationship (or not at that exact moment).  I always make the recruiter aware of my situation and have had them disclose that I'm pregnant at the appropriate time in the process.  Most recently it has been between the phone screen and in person interview.  Our feeling is that this is something to be upfront about as not all organizations are equipped or willing to work around a contractor giving birth during a contract.    
• I over prepare.  Not that I didn't prepare before, but I figure that my bump in the room could lead to a little doubt so I want to make sure that they know that I'm serious about the position and organization. It's always a little hard to know exactly what will be asked, but I've found that there are some good lists of questions out there for most positions.  Reviewing these has given me some food for thought as I collect my thoughts.  Additionally, I've found more than anything that they want to hear examples of how I approach my work and how I've handled different situations.  I'm pretty careful to be honest, but not rude or critical about my previous organizations- I have a specific example that could come across as negative and I give a very upfront answer about how I navigated within the constraints that I was given.  I also am clear that I really enjoyed working for that organization and was looking for a new position because my contract was for a set period of time.  
• I wear a black suit and button down top so I look as professional as possible.  My jacket is not maternity so it can't be buttoned.  My bump is somewhat out there in all it's glory!
• I put my very best foot forward and figure that I'll end up where I'm meant to be.

A few notes on my plan for my time off:

• I took 12 weeks off with my first son and realized at week 8 or so that I wasn't really cut out for being at home.  Don't get me wrong- the time off with him was great, but I found myself feeling really good and needing the structure of going to work every day.  I knew that I'd want to take less time or spread my time out if I had a second child.
• Obviously, things are a little different this time around as I won't be eligible for FMLA coverage.  I've defined my ideal and will share that at the beginning of the conversation.  I'll also be clear that I see the position as a great long term fit and want to find something that both sides are comfortable with.  
• My ideal- 6 weeks off unpaid and then 2-4 weeks PT.  
• I'd be willing to be off as short as 2-4 weeks (depending on how things are going) and then return PT from home (or with baby in the office) for another 2-4 weeks and FT somewhere between 6-8 weeks.  
• I'm prepared to turn down a job if they aren't willing to negotiate- as sad as that makes me!  My concern is that their unwillingness to negotiate related to maternity leave and some additional flexibility is a sign that they might not be "family friendly" enough for my family.  I'm not expecting anything unreasonable, but I want to know that the organization has my back should something come up that requires shifting my schedule or whatever arrangement we need.  

I breathe a sigh of relief when I leave an interview and make it to my car without them "noticing".  I think at this point it is pretty safe to assume that my bump has been noticed, but no one has brought it up yet.  For now it remains the bump in the room.

The I Know It All Phenomenon

Recently I've engaged in some interesting parenting related conversations with my friends and after each one, I sat wondering when is it appropriate to go against the advice of a trained professional?  It seems like we have more access than we have ever had to information on every imaginable topic- mostly due to the ever increasing number of blogs and webpages.  I'm not sure that we have more or better access to credible sources on many topics, though.  To be transparent, I define credible as peer reviewed journal articles and publications that follow professional journalism standards.  Either way, it seems that it is easy to back up just about any possible opinion with something found on the internet.

A few weeks ago, I posted about the anti vaccine movement and how I had yet to see a peer reviewed journal article that supported non vaccination.  Today, I read a very interesting blog post about the natural birth movement and how there is a new reality show showing women giving birth completely unassisted.  The article went on to point out that being able to have a natural birth is a privilege and we are forgetting that before the full implementation of the Affordable Care Act, a very low percentage of women had paid prenatal and maternity care.  The author went on to suggest that our focus should be on lowering our maternal and fetal mortality rate vs. pushing for births that are medically unassisted.

It struck me today that the underlying theme with both discussions was that for a segment of our population, being educated on a subject and self advocacy have reached a new level where there is little regard for the professional training and expertise of the care provider(s).  I'm all for both, however, I've always felt that there was a limitation to my level of expertise on anything medically related seeing that my degrees are not in a medical field.  I certainly feel that I can ask intelligent questions and seek out other opinions on any topic, but at some point, I will follow the thinking of my care provider or mechanic or whomever the expert happens to be in that case.  So I arrived at the question- why is it that some people feel that they can completely ignore the experts?  And to take the question a step further- why is it that not only do some people completely ignore the experts, but they also go on a crusade to try to "educate" those around them with opinion based information that can't be backed up by a credible source?

I'm intrigued by this way of thinking as it is potentially harmful- both to the person and their family, but also to our communities, in some cases.  Is this a form of free speech and individualism gone too far?  Or is it driven by something else?  I certainly will take a moment of pause and try to discern where the line should be for me.  I certainly implore others to do the same as we can't all be experts on everything and we aren't always right.  I feel like we've lost the art of thoughtful and respectful debate and inquiry.  It seems like it is time to bring both back!

The Farce of "Working Moms"

I'm so tired of seeing article after article and blog after blog about "working moms" only to read the article and find out that they are talking about moms who work, not moms with professional careers.  Is there a difference- YES! I have a career and I happen to be a mom.  I'm so tired of seeing lists of the best jobs for working moms only to find that they are almost laughable (here was a good one- http://www.forbes.com/2011/03/03/new-mother-work-time-money-forbes-woman-leadership-career_slide.html ).  Granted I should not be surprised by this list seeing that it was in Forbes, but it's infuriating!

I've also noticed that there are a number of working mom blogs, which is wonderful.  But again, they never seem to speak to career advancement, career change, etc.  It's like we forget that once a woman has a child that she might want to advance her career and just might be looking for insight into how other working moms handled the uncertainty of the transition.  The part that keeps getting me is that there are books and articles out there, but they all are fluff.  Where is the real, meaty content?  Or is that asking too much?

I'm looking for a new job and I'd love to hear from the other working moms who are like me- have a career and aren't looking for a "mom" job.  I'm also in somewhat of a career transition so my search is a little more complicated in some ways.  Either way, I know that I'm not the only mom who feels this way, but I often feel like I'm the only mom in this situation.  I ultimately will take a job that isn't a perfect fit for our family if it means that it has a good opportunity for career growth and advancement.  I'll be ecstatic if it also includes some work life balance perks- flex scheduling, work from home, ample PTO, etc.

Hey You, Non-Vax Parent, Listen Up!

First disclaimer- this is purely my opinion on vaccinations.  Second disclaimer- this is purely my opinion as a parent.

Okay- now that we've gotten that out of the way, I've noticed that the vaccine discussion has been a hot one recently.  I tend to frequent parenting groups on facebook and other parent related resources and this is a somewhat common topic.  I think that the discussion has been fueled recently by this article: http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/dear-parents-you-are-being-lied  The author, Dr Jennifer Raff, does a great job of giving all of the peer reviewed research reasons for vaccinating.  I will be very upfront- I am in support of vaccinations and felt that she did a very good job of providing research based evidence of why vaccinating is important.  Further, I loved that she raised two other points- first, the fact that the studies she cites have been replicated and yielded the same or similar results.  And second, the concept of herd immunity, which I'll circle back to in a moment.

I have a fair number of friends and former students who hold advanced degrees in the medical field (most are MDs, several are PharmDs, some RNs and other roles- PT, etc).  I take extra notice when they weigh in on this topic as they have advanced training in several arenas- human physiology and science (mainly biology, chemistry, and biochem).  This is not to say that other folks don't have an understanding of these topics, but in my opinion this has more weight than I googled the topic and Dr Google told me x, y, or z.  I am the type to research and weigh my/our options on different topics and over and over again, I've found there is very little, if any, scientific evidence supporting no vaccinations.  The few studies that do exist have been disproven or have not had a credible follow up study that replicated the results.  I'm not saying that trained medical professionals are not the only source of information on this topic, but when someone who has an ADVANCED degree in this area and is an expert in public health or immunology weighs in, I listen.  I am an expert in my field and I feel strongly that there are limits to my area of expertise and I owe it to other professionals to listen and trust their professional opinion and information.  I know a chiropractor or two and find that they often are the most vocal against vaccinations.  Thankfully, the one that I would call a friend has mostly been vocal against the flu vax, which has had studies show support for both sides- vax and no vax.

From a personal standpoint, we are in a very interesting situation.  Our son is 2 1/2 and is up to date on all vaccinations for his age.  I considered doing a delayed vax schedule and ultimately decided that it wasn't the best option for our family for several reasons.  Either way, he would be fully vaccinated at this point because the delayed schedule typically puts more vaccinations between age 1-2 and has the child fully vaccinated by or shortly after the second birthday.  We send our son to a wonderful in-home daycare and I recently found out that her newest child is not vaccinated.   In many ways this isn't a problem for us- our son is up to date on his vaccinations and would be more of a threat to the non vaccinated kid than he is to our son.  Where this all gets a little more sticky is that even with a vaccine, there is no guarantee that someone can't contract a particular illness.  The vaccine helps build immunity to the illness and will lessen the severity, but in some cases won't completely prevent the disease from happening.  Again, this is a relatively rare occurrence and probably won't be an issue.  We are expecting a second child and putting a newborn into an environment with a kid who is not vaccinated is concerning to say the least.  I know at least one family whose kids were exposed to something that would have been covered by vaccinations due to a non vaxed kid at their daycare.  In their case, their twins were preemies so they were on a slightly delayed vax schedule and had not yet received the vax that would have protected them from this disease.  Thankfully, they did not get sick, but the fact that they were exposed because of someone else's selfishness and total lack of regard for their community is by far the most frustrating thing for me as a parent.

I'm all for not vaccinating your kids, but then I also expect that you plan to stay home with your children. homeschool them, and refrain from vising public places.  Your utter lack of regard for your community and the common good (i.e. herd immunity!) makes me and most parents that I know very upset.  I've actually had a non vax parent tell me "vaccines are good for the community and bad for the person".  This was several years ago so I nodded and smiled to the comment.  I've since become a parent and researched the topic in depth and have learned that vaccines are good for the person AND the community.  Besides, there are so many things that we can't prevent or control as parents, why would you choose not to prevent a set of very serious, often deadly, illnesses?  This makes absolutely no sense to me!

I'll end with a final thought/challenge- please provide me with peer reviewed journal articles that show that vaccinations are not effective (and I'm not talking about the journal article linking vaccinations to autism that has since been debunked- multiple times- that ship has sailed).  I'm all for being educated further on this topic and would love to read more supporting no vaccinations.  I have not been able to locate REAL research that actually proves that vaccinations are not effective or good.  REAL research is from a peer reviewed source and has been replicated.  Bloggers are not reputable sources (I love bloggers, but let's face it- they often aren't experts on the topic- just like I'm not in this case!).

Mid Career Job Searching- UGH!

I've spent the last year or so in job limbo.  A year ago, I jumped at an opportunity take a position that had the potential to be a really great career move.  The position, rather the organization, didn't really pan out as I had hoped.  It was a good move career-wise in many ways, but has left me in limbo many times over the year.  I was very fortunate to have a recruiter contact me late last year about a short term contract so I was able to work very full time for several months this spring.  That contract is winding down and I've been embroiled in a pretty intense job search for the past month.  I've had some good interest, but nothing has panned out so far.  I know something will work out, but I grow increasingly impatient with each passing day.

I have recruiters from several (probably 5 or 6) agencies who are actively looking for something for me- all say the same thing- you have an impressive resume and I'd love to help.  The downside- I have an impressive resume in a very specific industry so I'm hard to place outside of that industry and I'm also hard to place within that industry because my industry is driven by functional areas and fails to see how the skill set is the same across functions!  Frustrating to say the least.  I also am in that weird place where I'm overqualified on paper for many jobs that I'd happily take (and probably would open doors for me to advance within an organization).  I'm under-qualified for the jobs that I appear to be qualified for although the "missing" items often are pieces that I could quickly learn and really are helpful things to know before starting in a particular position, but aren't skills and frankly fall into the same category as items that are organization specific, which I would need to learn anyway.

My take away from this search is that even though I live in an area with a relatively low unemployment rate and have the educational background and experience for many of the jobs out there, I'm not able to get a job.  It's so weird to me that our market has become this way and I'm starting to wonder if I'll be stuck not working or being underemployed simple due to the fact that I haven't worked for the right organizations at the right time.  Couple this with the fact that I desperately wanted to leave my old job because it was a horrible fit for a working mom.  I'm feeling like if I find a job, I'll end out settling for another job that will be a horrible fit personally simply because I really want a job.

So I'm left wondering, who are they hiring?  And what could I have done differently along the way to not be in this situation?  In the mean time, I'll overhaul my resume again, keep applying, and hope for the best!

Review of Maxed Out: American Moms on the Brink

I heard about this book from a friend's share of the Today Show's overview on Facebook and was quite intrigued.  The author, Katrina Alcorn, chronicles her experience as a working mom and how she eventually broke down after trying to keep everything going- career, kids, relationship, household.  Ms. Alcorn and her story are easy to relate to as an 'average' mom.  I read this book right after reading Lean In and found it to be much more representative of my experience as a working mom.  I also thought it was fun to compare and contrast the two books.  They are worlds apart in some ways and very similar in others.  I think the two represent the diversity that exists within the working mom experience as there are so many variables that shape the experience and lead to distinctly different pain points for each mom.

Overall, I thought it was well written and did a wonderful job of sharing her story.  Alcorn is a talented writer and captured the many facets of being a working mom in a way that drew me in as a reader.  I was fully engrossed in the book after the first couple of pages and had a difficult time putting the book down to tend to other things!

My criticisms, while not as deep as the ones that I had of Lean In, still are important especially in the context of the larger working mom conversation.  First, this was one woman's experience that represented a combination of factors that may or may not be present for other working mom's.  This book is a memoir and I had to remind myself that there would be parts that were just that- a memoir.  Her experience, while representative of a larger group of working mom's, still is the experience of a single person and can't be assumed to represent the experience of any other working mom's.  It would be super interesting to read a book that includes the experiences of many working mom's and highlights similarities that exist across a larger group.  I feel like using a research study framework would be useful in really furthering the working mom conversation as our experiences have largely been left to individual memoirs and blogs.

Second, I liked that she included some very short sections in each chapter that discussed specific topics from a higher level, however, I was left wanting more from those sections.  I really liked how Sandberg included information from the research community throughout her book and focused less on her personal experience and more on what the research says about working mothers.  I think that Alcorn's book could have more credibility in the working mom conversation if it included more research driven information and data. The book description touts the book as being more research based and it simply wasn't that.

I enjoyed this book and found myself relating to many of Alcorn's experiences.  I think that for the working mom conversation there needs to be more than individual mom's writing about their experience.  There needs to be more research driven commentary and that really needs to be a bigger part of the conversation.  I also agree with Sandberg that men and women need to be part of the conversation as real change will take a collective effort.  Alcorn also says this (or alludes to it) in her book.  Advancing the needs of modern families is not a women's issue as it often is cast off to be- it is an everyone issue and will take a collective effort to create real change.

Oh the Irony

Whew- this has been a long break from writing.  I had the time in the fall to add some new posts, but didn't really have a topic in mind- although I easily could have come up with something!  I was contacted by a recruiter in December about a short term contract and long story short- I was working very full time for several months this spring.  Ideas were flowing, but finding the time to write was near impossible!  The contract went very well and has ended for the most part.  I'm spending large amounts of time searching for a new contract or FT position.  I'm also hoping to pen a few posts before I dig into my next gig!

I find that I have interesting parenting encounters nearly every day.  Most aren't given a second thought (who really has time to think twice, really!), but occasionally one strikes me as curious and I find myself reflecting on the topic.  I happened to have one of those encounters today.  A college friend of mine posted on facebook that her 8 month old had a stomach bug and then said that her child doesn't like pedialite and asked for suggestions.  I immediately suggested breastmilk because it quite honestly is going to be the most natural option to help a little one stay hydrated and fight off the bug.  I was surprised (probably shouldn't have been) that I was the only person out of 10 or so different posters who suggested it.  All of the others suggested beverages that were man made (with the exception of water- which ironically was only mentioned once).  I was a breastfed child and had zero intention of doing anything but breastfeed our son.  I try to remember that not everyone chooses to breastfeed or breastfeed for an extended period of time and really try to be respectful of that choice.

Here is where the rub came in for me.  This person regularly posts and very openly discusses how she eats clean and chooses to avoid many chemicals, etc that unfortunately are in processed foods.  Wonderful- we do some of the same- although not nearly as strictly as she does.  The irony to me was the conversation that ensued- she even said that she tried one of the flavored versions of pedialite even though she doesn't like things with artificial flavoring and dyes.  I'm thinking- put the boob in her mouth!  You can't get more natural than that!  My hunch is that she either didn't breastfeed or gave it up long ago and I knew it wasn't the time or place to think about bringing up this fact, but it still struck me as terribly ironic.  For the record- we use pedialite, too.  We also aren't very strict about many things related to our diet or our son's diet. I try really hard to keep our diet cleaner, but we have not completely removed anything in particular from our diet.

This is one of the many instances of the irony of parenting that I seem to encounter.  I get it- there are parenting choices that we all make for different reasons that probably will only make sense to us, but I often find food choices very interesting and in my experience, the irony always comes from the financially privileged white folks who "eat clean" and are very public about their "clean eating".  Instances like this one remind me that sometimes it is easiest to maintain and everything in moderation philosophy survivalist because it diminishes the possibility that our choices could be called ironic.