Bullies

Sometimes I hear disturbing things from other parents.  I'm sure as time goes on, I'll have quite the list.  Earlier this week a mentor of mine posted on facebook about a situation that she witnessed between a male student and his father on the campus of my alma mater.  My mentor has a pretty high up administrative position and basically said that she overheard a bullying conversation where the father of a LAW student (not even an undergrad!!!!) was berating the son.  After 10 minutes, she chose to intervene.  The father's response was that he wasn't embarrassed.  I'm disturbed.  I'm sure anyone who heard this story is disturbed.  I have a lot of respect for her to intervene and I would hope if I'm ever faced with a similar situation that I will do the same. However, my bigger concern is that this situation happened in the first place.  I'd be horrified if the child was a child and I'm equally horrified that the child was an adult.  It sounds like the wife and other children stood by helpless and didn't stop it, which makes me wonder what is happening behind closed doors in their home.  That is a scary thought.

But then I got to thinking deeper.  So clearly this is bullying and it is not okay.  We hear a lot about bullying in our schools and the often disheartening outcomes.  I think that we fail to recognize how common it is and that it happens amongst adults all the time.  For example, I'm in a mom's group on facebook (like 90 or so women) and they are huge bullies.  None of them would admit to it, but I've witnessed behavior from them that makes me concerned.  Would any of them act out towards their child, probably not, but they are total bullies towards the other women in the group! 

I feel like we've become desensitized to this type of behavior and seem appalled when we witness it outside of our own home and will turn someone in when we witness a parent bullying their child.  Yet, as adults, we engage in this behavior and don't think twice.  I've heard it called all kinds of things, but at the end of the day it is an excuse for not taking personal responsibility for our actions and using our behavior to justify that we feel better when we put someone else down.  I definitely am checking my own responses and attitudes about everything in light of reflecting on this situation.  I would never dream of bullying my own child, but I also don't want him to see me engaging in this behavior and getting the message that bullying someone else is okay. 

Mommy Shortcut # 2

The maxi skirt.  Last summer, I loved my maxi dress.  I still wear it, but it isn't the easiest thing to wear with breastfeeding.  I bought a maxi skirt and it is awesome.  Super easy, comfy, and totally something that is work appropriate (in my business casual office) and works great for outside of work.  I'm thinking of buying another one because it is go great!

The Politics of Being a Woman (and Parent)

I need to step out of my blogging about being a parent for a moment.  Tuesday was a tough day in our house- there were two significant political situations that made us both wish that the day never happened.  First, the WI recall vote.  As former residents of WI, we both had so much hope that our brethren would choose the common good over self interests.  Second, the US senate voted down an equal pay bill for women.  I was most disheartened to learn that none of the Republican senators voted for this bill. I have a hard time believing the rhetoric from that party that the aren't trying to attack women when there has been an assault on women's rights this year- several state bills to outlaw abortions and family planning, the push back on Obama's decision to require all organizations to provide contraceptives to female employees through their health plan, and now this bill being voted down. I'm at a loss on how any woman could believe that the Republican party is concerned about their interests, when every couple of weeks there is yet another example of some political measure to limit women's rights.  At this point, I'm pretty sure the 50s would like their issues back! 

I've spent some time reflecting on both in the past 48 hours and really wonder what happened to the concept of making decisions based on the common good and not personal interest.  I'm concerned that our culture has shifted so far to the individual side of the spectrum that we now are completely ignoring being concerned for the good of our neighbors.  I'm deeply concerned that our son will not learn some of the important lessons about being a good citizen because there are so few examples of this happening around us.  We certainly will try to instill in him a sense of community and help him to understand that he needs to think about more than himself and his own interests.  It would be nice if we had a culture that sent and supported the same messages. 

Star Struck

This morning I was reminiscing a little while I sat in traffic and specifically was thinking about my lone famous person encounter.  I was asked to drive Candace Bushnell to the airport after she spoke at the university I worked for.  My all time favorite tv show is Sex and the City and I would rank both movies amongst my favorite movies.  Getting to have a one on one conversation with the woman who wrote the book that inspired the show was amazing for me as a single 20-something.  It was a fun chat and honestly her advice wasn't overly profound or even memorable this many years later (I want to say that this encounter was in 2005, but I could be off by a year or two!).  She sympathized with my plight- boyfriends who sucked and feeling like maybe finding someone special wasn't going to happen.  Her advice was good- have fun with it and enjoy your life and friends.  At the time I was like yeah- I try to do that.  My life has changed so much in the last year that now I get why she said what she did.  I don't think that Candace has children, but she hit the nail on the head.  Life really is different post kids.  Not in a bad way, but really is different.  Here are some ways that I feel like my life is different....

• I no longer get to sleep in on weekends.
• I no longer get to be leisurely about doing any task because my next chance to complete said task might be weeks away.
• I look forward to my quick trips to the bathroom because sometimes it is the only time I get to be alone. (I tear up at the scene in the second Sex and the City movie when Charlotte goes into the pantry for sugar and breaks down while her kids are screaming and crying outside the door.  She has my sympathy)
• Working means that I get to have lunch to use to blog, check email and facebook, and pay bills uninterrupted.
• I get really frustrated when trying to plan things with childless people and they suggest places that aren't kid friendly (and sometimes- it's just the lack of parking that could put me over the edge!).  Then being an accommodating person, I nicely suggest some similar places that I know would be easier to haul a baby in a car seat into.
• I try to stay interested in the details of my friend's lives, but sometimes I find my mind wondering.  My life is relatively boring, but I am so far past dating and going out that I can't really relate anymore.
• I swear I will never be on time anywhere or for anything again.
• The bad days and crappy things that happen in my adult life are quickly erased by seeing my son smile and hearing him giggle. 

I still have fun and enjoy my life- probably more so now than before.  I cringed recently when I was sitting outside an ice cream shop and eves dropped on a conversation between two 20-somethings.  Let's say it was without a doubt a conversation that I had with my girlfriends 10 years ago.  I definitely had a moment of embarrassment when I realized just how shallow our conversations sounded.   Although, I'm sure a mommy conversation can sometimes sound as equally shallow- "so and so pooped today, thank god."  At least we are trying to raise a child and not gossiping about pretty unimportant stuff!