Bullies

Sometimes I hear disturbing things from other parents.  I'm sure as time goes on, I'll have quite the list.  Earlier this week a mentor of mine posted on facebook about a situation that she witnessed between a male student and his father on the campus of my alma mater.  My mentor has a pretty high up administrative position and basically said that she overheard a bullying conversation where the father of a LAW student (not even an undergrad!!!!) was berating the son.  After 10 minutes, she chose to intervene.  The father's response was that he wasn't embarrassed.  I'm disturbed.  I'm sure anyone who heard this story is disturbed.  I have a lot of respect for her to intervene and I would hope if I'm ever faced with a similar situation that I will do the same. However, my bigger concern is that this situation happened in the first place.  I'd be horrified if the child was a child and I'm equally horrified that the child was an adult.  It sounds like the wife and other children stood by helpless and didn't stop it, which makes me wonder what is happening behind closed doors in their home.  That is a scary thought.

But then I got to thinking deeper.  So clearly this is bullying and it is not okay.  We hear a lot about bullying in our schools and the often disheartening outcomes.  I think that we fail to recognize how common it is and that it happens amongst adults all the time.  For example, I'm in a mom's group on facebook (like 90 or so women) and they are huge bullies.  None of them would admit to it, but I've witnessed behavior from them that makes me concerned.  Would any of them act out towards their child, probably not, but they are total bullies towards the other women in the group! 

I feel like we've become desensitized to this type of behavior and seem appalled when we witness it outside of our own home and will turn someone in when we witness a parent bullying their child.  Yet, as adults, we engage in this behavior and don't think twice.  I've heard it called all kinds of things, but at the end of the day it is an excuse for not taking personal responsibility for our actions and using our behavior to justify that we feel better when we put someone else down.  I definitely am checking my own responses and attitudes about everything in light of reflecting on this situation.  I would never dream of bullying my own child, but I also don't want him to see me engaging in this behavior and getting the message that bullying someone else is okay.